Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
