she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize