idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
