I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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