I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
