I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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