I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize