So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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