im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize