You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
