why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
