i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
