You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
