I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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