I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
