I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
