Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
