you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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