Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
