Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
