kristin has been a bad kristin
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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