Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
