the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
