Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
