Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
