Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
