Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
