can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
