i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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