I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
