I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize