I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
