Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
