I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
