I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize