i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
