She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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