I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
