she woke up with a sticky ear
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
