The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize