I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
