New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
