their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize