I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
