I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
