you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
