I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
