I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
