I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
