I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize