I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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