Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
