I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
