You're so nebulous sometimes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
