I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
