Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
