what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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