My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
