It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
