I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i need some magic done to my vagina
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
