so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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