Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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