two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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