Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
