a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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