He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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