The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
