um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
