I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
