this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
only you would photoshop your dick
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
