Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
