I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
