How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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