So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
