what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize