We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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