I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
