physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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