I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
