Your face is a jimmy john
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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