i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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