we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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