return my video game
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
