Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
