Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
