1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
