Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
