The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize