Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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