How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
