Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
