So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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