p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
