he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude. I can hear the air.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
