If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
