Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize