the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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