You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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