Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize