my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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