I feel like I'm in dance class right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
