Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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