mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
