just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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