Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
