The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
