And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My bed smells like the plague
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
