when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My feet surprised me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
