is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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