we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize