I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
