im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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