he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
