Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
